Tag Archive: Funny

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
– Anonymous

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?
– Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– Sigmund Freud

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
– Anonymous

‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’
– Sam Kinison

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once….
– Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to..
– Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
– Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’
Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
– Anonymous


1. Your stomach growls when you don’t eat rice for a day.
2. You believe any Lee Kum Kee sauce can turn bad cooking to gourmet food.
3. You think our country is a democracy.
4. You talk at the movie.
5. You use a water hose instead of toilet paper in the bathroom.
6. You eat fried rice/noodles in the morning.
7. You prefer Versace or DKNY jeans over Gap or Levi’s.
8. You don’t think Jim Carrey is funny.
9. You think Si Kudil is funny.
10. You think RTB (Radio Television Brunei) singers are kampungan/style
11. You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal to wherever you travel.
12. Driving a car cheaper than $20,000 embarrasses you.*
13. You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyway, because everyone
else does.*
14. You are willing to travel 36 miles to watch Liga Perdana.*
15. You think other Asian countries are poorer than yours.
16. You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards.*
17. Your local McDonald’s serves rice and sambal.
18. You think Maggi mee is a staple food.
19. You’ve tried passing Malaysian coins in a vending machine or pay phones.
20. Your average height is between 4’5″ to 5’5″.*
21. You average weight is between 60kg to 200+++kg.*
22. You’ve smuggled electronics, CDs and porn into Brunei.**
23. You do your shopping in Singapore/UK/Miri.
24. Your drivers license claims you are 5 years older then you really are.
25. You’ve legally bought pirated software.**
26. You’ve been forced to memorize the National Anthem.*
27. You think Kuala Belait is a foreign country.
28. You know exactly how many districts Brunei has.
29. You’ve eaten something sold off a cart on wheels.
30. You realized that money is everything before you were six.
31. The first thing that comes to mind when hearing the word “Brunei” is
32. Someone you know has never ridden on a bus/taxi/public transportation in
33. Your daily commute includes thinking up new ways to get rich quickly,
34. You don’t mind people being late. You almost always are.
35. You think standing in line is a waste of time.*
36. You’ve tried every Monday of your youth trying to avoid Assembly day.
37. You’ve used a mosquito repellant that looks like a coil and is lit on
one end.
38. You use the terms “kan mati”, “-lah” and “pukima” on a daily basis.*
39. You know what MIB is, what it means and know it by heart.*??**
40. You complain that movies don’t have sub-titles.
41. Your daily conversation may include enactments of TV commercials.**
42. You’ve consulted a dukun or urang pandai.
43. Your whole class cheated on a test, and gotten away with it.*
44. You’ve spent the night before an exam looking for someone who sells the
45. You like the smell of minyak attar.
46. You think the Liga Perdana is equal to the Super Bowl.
47. You talk loud thinking everybody is deaf but actually YOU are.
48. You’ve a 16′ satellite dish in your front yard.
49. You’ve never ridden in a motor vehicle with three wheels.
50. You miss your maid during laundry day. Other days you hate her guts.**
51. Your clothing has brand names printed on it that is visible from 50 feet
52. You attend weddings only a few minutes before eating.
53. You’ve attended weddings with every piece of gold jewelry you own.
54. You go to “kadai kaling” to get your weekly supply of ketchup, salt,
pepper and napkins.
55. You know more than one music group that stole the tune of Cranberries’
56. You’ve a can of Shelltox on your kitchen table.
57. You make major decisions based on who’s doing what.
58. You don’t take advantage of SALES cos’ you know it’s not.*
59. Someone in your family has extra pockets in his outfit to hide souvenirs
extracted from the palace.*
60. You’ve paid more then $100 to get your own private number license plate.
61. When watching TV you regularly find that all the channels broadcast the
same thing.**
62. You know more than 10 acronyms/abbreviations.*
63. You call every Chinese girl “Moi”.**

You might be a Bruneian if (Part 2):

1. You think an old modified car with low suspension and large tyres are
2. Sago (ambuyat) is your staple food and it is a necessity to have loads of
it even when staying overseas.
3. You think dangdut is not stupid and converting them to chacha or raggae
is cool to dance with.
4. You can’t dance or talk properly while on TV.
5. You act like a rich tycoon in Miri even if your average income is below
6. Wear as much makeup as possible. rosy red cheeks are in, natural looks
are pale.
7. You will want to work in an air conditioned environment with ties hanging
from your (pathetic) neck even if your
academic qualifications are SHIT. i.e you want to be but not the indians.
8. You furnish your home luxuriously even if it means eating rice and kicap
for the last 2 1/2 weeks before the end of the
month. *
9. You love rosewood furniture.*
10. You have TV sets with separate decoders and VCR’s in every room in your
11. You’ve never heard of toilet hygiene.
12. Favourite cars – Mercedes and BMW, below that is cheap stuff.
13. You own more than 1 hand phone.*
14. Your favourite slippers – Jaguar.
15. You love to sing to the Karaoke even if you are out of tune regardless
>of what people think of you.*
16. You are always right.**
17. As per no. 6 – wear as much gold as possible.
18. Your idea of a balance diet includes, daily, curry chicken, beef
rendang, udang masak asam pedas, sayur masak lemak
and sambal belacan. Calories are your best friend.
19. Any one who is not obese is not beautiful.
20. You interfere when someone is talking.
21. As per no. 20 – you talk too fast.
22. ‘Hutang’ (Owing) is your best friend.
23. You hate it very very very (x 100) much if a lady driver overtakes you
(even in a powerful car) and you must, in turn
overtake her no matter wht the risks are. **
24. If you are a lady driver, you will overtake without looking into your
rear view mirror first and you will ignore the
sound of screeching tyres behind you.
25. For eg, if a star from Malaysia performs in Brunei, the next day you and
every body around you will be playing his/her
songs on the car radio full blast.
26. You make sure that everything you consume is halal but eat everything
else when you are overseas.*
27. You leave Brunei International airport in baju kurung and wearing tudung
(MIB concept) but come out of your hotel room
in singapore wearing sleeveless T and tight jeans. (never forget your
heavy makeup). *
28. You tie your infant up afraid that when he/she grows up his/her legs
will bend.
29. You believe very much in pukau.
30. You must exaggerate if an incident occurs.
31. You dress up when going to Jerudong Park. It’s the place to be seen.
32. Every child you have owns a fairly expensive car.If he/she is the only
one you buy him/her a very expensive car.
33. You are always right.

(* : I have this on good authority that it’s true 🙂
(** : I REALLY REALLY am surethat it’s REALLY true 🙂